I’m about to share something with you that might sound a little wild at first, but stick with me because this could be the missing piece in understanding why some business decisions feel SO much harder than they should.

Ready for it?

The way you learned to connect with people as a kid is probably influencing every major decision you make in your business.

Your pricing, your boundaries, how you show up online, whether you launch that thing you’ve been working on, how you communicate with clients – all of it.

I know, I know. It sounds like I’m about to get all therapy-couch on you, but I promise this isn’t about digging into childhood trauma or making you feel bad about your past. This is about understanding some patterns that might be quietly sabotaging your success, so you can start making choices from a place of awareness instead of just… wondering why business feels so hard sometimes.

Because once you see these patterns, you can start to change them. And that, my friend, is when business starts to feel a whole lot more manageable and fun!

Attachment Theory 101 (AKA The Cliff Notes Version That Won’t Put You to Sleep)

Alright, let’s start with the basics. Attachment theory is essentially about how we learned to connect with other people, based on our early relationships (usually with our caregivers). The super simplified version is that there are two main categories: secure attachment and insecure attachment.

Secure attachment is basically the gold standard. People with secure attachment tend to feel comfortable with intimacy, they can communicate their needs clearly, they trust that relationships are generally safe, and they don’t spiral when someone doesn’t text them back immediately.

In business terms, they tend to make decisions from a grounded place, they’re not afraid to put themselves out there, and they can handle rejection without taking it personally.

A secure person might think: “I’m going to launch this new service because I believe it will help people. If it doesn’t work out perfectly, I’ll learn from it and adjust.”

Insecure attachment, on the other hand, comes in a few different flavors. The two main ones are anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.

Anxious attachment folks (hi, that’s me!) tend to crave connection but worry constantly about being rejected or abandoned. They often over-communicate, people-please, and need a lot of reassurance.

In business, this might look like underpricing services because they’re scared people won’t want to work with them, or avoiding putting themselves out there because they can’t handle the thought of someone not liking them.

An anxious person might think: “I really want to launch this service, but what if people think it’s stupid? What if nobody buys it? What if everyone realizes I have no idea what I’m doing? Maybe I should wait until I’m more qualified/experienced/perfect.”

Avoidant attachment people learned early on that depending on others isn’t safe, so they tend to be very self-reliant. They’re often uncomfortable with too much closeness and might struggle with asking for help or being vulnerable.

In business, this could show up as not explaining their services clearly (because that feels too vulnerable), or sabotaging opportunities when they start to feel “too good to be true.”

An avoidant person might think: “I should probably launch this service, but I don’t want to seem needy or pushy. I’ll just put it out there quietly and if people want it, they’ll find it. I don’t need to do a big promotional thing.”

And then there’s the secret third option (cue dramatic music): anxious-avoidant attachment! This is actually pretty rare – only about 5-10% of the population – and it usually develops when someone experienced abuse or severe neglect as a child. People with this style want close relationships but are also terrified of them, so they tend to push and pull at the same time.

An anxious-avoidant person might think: “I really want to launch this service and I want people to love it, but I also don’t trust that they actually will, and if they do love it, they’ll probably expect too much from me, and then I’ll disappoint them, so maybe I shouldn’t launch it at all, but then I’ll be broke, but also…” (You get the idea. It’s exhausting.)

Now, before you start diagnosing yourself or everyone you know, here’s the most important thing I want you to remember: attachment styles aren’t permanent! They’re patterns you learned, which means they’re patterns you can change. I used to be way more anxiously attached than I am now, and through a lot of therapy and intentional work, I’ve become much more secure in my relationships and in my business.

How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in Your Business (And Why Perfectionism Is Just Fear in a Pretty Dress)

We’re going to talk about anxious attachment in business, because honestly, I see this everywhere in the creative entrepreneur world (and I’ve lived it myself, so I know it intimately).

The Perfectionism Trap

This is probably the biggest one. When you have an anxious attachment style, the idea of putting something imperfect out into the world feels absolutely terrifying. Because what if people judge you? What if they realize you don’t have it all figured out? What if they decide you’re not worth working with?

So you keep tweaking, keep “improving,” keep waiting until everything is absolutely perfect before you launch. Except here’s the problem: nothing is ever perfect enough when you’re looking at it through the lens of “what if people don’t like me?”

I’ve watched so many talented people sit on incredible ideas for months or years because they’re convinced they need just one more course, just one more certification, just one more revision before they’re “ready.”

The Hiding Game

Anxious attachment folks often struggle with showing up online consistently, especially when they’re beginners at something. There’s this deep fear of being perceived as inexperienced or “not good enough yet.”

But here’s what I’ve learned: people actually love following someone’s journey from the beginning! There’s something really compelling about watching someone learn and grow and figure things out in real time. Yet when you’re anxiously attached, all you can think about is how everyone is probably judging you for not being an expert already.

The Stagnation Station

Sometimes anxious attachment shows up as being afraid to change or evolve your business, even when you know you need to. Because what if the people who like you now don’t like this new version of you? What if you lose followers? What if people think you’re being inconsistent?

So you stay stuck in a version of your business that maybe doesn’t even serve you anymore, because the fear of potential rejection feels worse than the reality of being unfulfilled.

The Underpricing Epidemic

Oh, this one hits close to home. When you’re constantly worried about being too much or asking for too much, pricing becomes this nightmare spiral of “but what if they think I’m too expensive?” and “I should probably charge less just to be safe” and “I don’t want people to think I’m greedy.”

The result? You end up working way too hard for way too little money, which only reinforces the story that you’re not worth much to begin with.

How Avoidant Attachment Sneaks Into Your Business Decisions

Now, avoidant attachment in business is trickier for me to talk about because it’s not my personal experience, but I’ve observed it in other entrepreneurs, and it’s equally challenging in different ways.

The Under-Communication Problem

Avoidant folks often struggle with explaining what they do and who they serve clearly enough. This isn’t because they don’t know – it’s because getting that specific and clear feels vulnerable. It feels like putting yourself out there to be judged.

So they might have websites with really vague language, or they do a lot of discovery calls that don’t convert because they haven’t communicated their value clearly enough upfront.

The Ghost Protocol

This one breaks my heart. Avoidant attachment people often don’t follow up with potential clients because they’re afraid of seeming pushy or needy. So they’ll have a great initial conversation with someone, but then they won’t send that follow-up email, and the opportunity just… dies.

They tell themselves stories like “if they want to work with me, they’ll reach out,” but meanwhile, the potential client is waiting for them to take the lead because that’s literally how sales work.

The Self-Sabotage Cycle

Here’s the thing about avoidant attachment: deep down, these folks want connection and success just as much as anyone else. But when things start going really well, it can feel scary and unfamiliar. So sometimes they’ll unconsciously sabotage good opportunities because failure feels safer than success.

They might suddenly become less responsive when a big client is interested, or they might price themselves out of opportunities they actually want, or they might just… disappear when things are going well.

The “Security Feels Boring” Problem

Both anxious and avoidant people often have this weird relationship with stability and success. When things are going well, it can feel… boring? Anticlimactic? Like something must be wrong?

For avoidant folks, this might show up as creating drama or problems when there aren’t any, or constantly looking for the next challenge instead of enjoying and building on what’s working.

The Anxious-Avoidant Double Bind (AKA The Most Exhausting Way to Run a Business)

And then there are the anxious-avoidant folks, who basically get to experience all the fun of both styles at the same time! (I say this with love and sympathy, because this attachment style is usually formed through some really difficult early experiences.)

These are the people who desperately want their business to succeed AND are terrified of what will happen if it does. They want clients AND they’re suspicious of anyone who wants to work with them. They want to put themselves out there AND they want to hide.

It’s like having one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake at all times. Exhausting doesn’t even begin to cover it.

The good news is that people with this attachment style often have incredible resilience and creativity, because they’ve had to develop really sophisticated coping mechanisms. The challenging part is learning to trust that success doesn’t automatically mean danger.

The Business Behaviors That Might Look Familiar

Okay, let’s get really practical here. What does all this attachment stuff actually look like in day-to-day business life?

If you tend toward anxious attachment, you might:

• Undercharge for your services because you’re afraid of being “too much”
• Over-deliver on every project because you want to make sure the client is happy
• Check your email constantly and respond immediately because you don’t want anyone to think you’re unprofessional
• Avoid launching new things until they’re absolutely perfect
• Take any form of feedback or criticism as a personal attack
• Constantly compare yourself to other business owners and feel like you’re behind
• Have trouble setting boundaries because you don’t want to disappoint anyone

If you tend toward avoidant attachment, you might:

• Under-communicate with potential clients and then wonder why they don’t hire you
• Avoid networking or promotional activities because they feel too “salesy”
• Have trouble explaining clearly what you do or who you help
• Sabotage opportunities when they start feeling too good to be true
• Prefer to work alone and struggle with collaborating or asking for help
• Have feast or famine cycles because you don’t consistently nurture relationships

If you’re anxious-avoidant, you might:

• Feel like you’re constantly contradicting yourself in business decisions
• Want success but also fear it in equal measure
• Have trouble maintaining consistent energy and enthusiasm for projects
• Feel exhausted by the push-and-pull of wanting connection but fearing it
• Experience a lot of internal conflict about what you actually want from your business

Sound familiar? If you’re reading this and thinking “oh crap, that’s totally me,” first of all: you’re not broken! These are just patterns you learned, probably for very good reasons at the time. And second: awareness is literally the first step toward change.

Why This Matters for Your Business (Spoiler: It’s Not Just About Feelings)

You might be thinking, “Okay, this is all very interesting, but what does this have to do with my actual business success?”

Your attachment style influences every single business decision you make, often in ways you’re not even conscious of. It affects how you price, how you market, how you communicate with clients, how you handle feedback, how you grow your team, how you deal with success and failure – literally everything.

And when you’re making decisions from an unconscious place of fear or insecurity, you’re not making the best decisions for your business. You’re making decisions to manage your anxiety or avoid your fears, which is a completely different thing.

For example, if you’re underpricing because you’re afraid of rejection, you’re not pricing strategically. If you’re avoiding networking because it feels vulnerable, you’re not marketing strategically. If you’re perfectionism-paralyzed and not launching things, you’re not growing strategically.

But when you start to understand these patterns, you can begin to make choices from a more conscious place. You can ask yourself: “Am I making this decision because it’s best for my business, or am I making it to manage my attachment fears?”

That awareness changes everything.

The Beautiful Truth: You Can Change These Patterns

Here’s the part I’m most excited to share with you: attachment styles aren’t set in stone! They’re patterns you learned, which means they’re patterns you can unlearn and replace with healthier ones.

I know this is true because I’ve lived it. A few years ago, I was way more anxiously attached than I am now. I was constantly seeking reassurance, I took everything personally, I was terrified of conflict, and I made a lot of decisions from a place of fear rather than wisdom.

But through therapy, a lot of self-reflection, and intentional practice, I’ve become much more secure in my relationships and in my business. I still have anxious moments, but they don’t run my life the way they used to.

The process isn’t always easy, and it definitely isn’t fast, but it is absolutely possible.

For the anxiously attached:

Focus on building self-trust and self-soothing skills. Practice making decisions from a grounded place rather than a reactive place. Work on tolerating discomfort and uncertainty without immediately seeking reassurance.

For the avoidant attached:

Practice vulnerability in small, safe ways. Work on communicating your needs and feelings clearly. Challenge yourself to reach out and follow up even when it feels uncomfortable.

For anxious-avoidant folks:

This one’s the trickiest because you’re dealing with competing impulses. Focus on creating safety and stability in your business and personal life. Work with a therapist if possible, because this attachment style usually has some complex trauma underneath it.

For everyone:

Practice self-compassion. These patterns developed for good reasons, and shaming yourself for having them won’t help you change them. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend who was struggling.

How This Connects to Building a Sustainable Business

Remember that sustainable business building pillar we talked about? This is where it all connects.

When you’re making business decisions from an insecure attachment place, sustainability becomes almost impossible. You end up undercharging, over-delivering, avoiding necessary boundaries, and generally building a business that serves your attachment fears rather than your actual goals.

But when you start to heal these patterns and make decisions from a more secure place, everything gets easier. You can charge appropriately because you trust your worth. You can set boundaries because you’re not terrified of disappointing people. You can show up consistently because you’re not paralyzed by perfectionism.

Secure attachment and sustainable business building go hand in hand, because both are about creating something stable and healthy that can last long-term.

Practical Steps to Start Shifting These Patterns

Okay, enough theory. Let’s talk about what you can actually do with this information.

Start with awareness.

For the next week, pay attention to your business decisions and ask yourself: “What attachment fear might be driving this choice?” You don’t have to change anything yet – just notice.

Identify your specific triggers.

What business situations make you feel most anxious, avoidant, or conflicted? Pricing conversations? Client feedback? Networking events? Marketing your services? Once you know your triggers, you can start to prepare for them differently.

Practice the opposite action.

If your attachment style makes you want to hide, practice showing up. If it makes you want to over-explain, practice being concise. If it makes you want to undercharge, practice stating your full rate without immediately offering discounts.

Build your self-soothing toolkit.

What helps you feel calm and grounded when you’re activated? Maybe it’s taking a walk, calling a friend, doing some breathing exercises, or just reminding yourself that you’re safe. Having these tools ready makes it easier to make decisions from a clear place.

Get support.

Whether that’s therapy, coaching, or just having honest conversations with other business owners who get it, you don’t have to figure this out alone. In fact, healing attachment stuff almost always happens in relationship with others.

Celebrate small wins.

Every time you make a choice from a secure place instead of an insecure one, that’s worth celebrating. You’re literally rewiring your brain, and that’s no small thing.

The Ripple Effect (AKA Why This Work Matters Beyond Business)

Here’s something beautiful: when you start healing your attachment patterns in your business, it affects every other area of your life too.

When you practice setting boundaries with clients, you get better at setting boundaries in your personal relationships. When you learn to trust your worth in your pricing, you start to trust your worth in general. When you get comfortable with being seen as imperfect in your business, you get more comfortable with being human in your relationships.

It’s all connected, and the work you do to create a more secure way of being in business becomes practice for creating a more secure way of being in life.

How This Connects to Your Web Strategy

You know what’s interesting? I’ve started to notice that people’s attachment styles often show up in their websites too, though usually not consciously.

Anxiously attached folks might have websites that over-explain everything (because they’re trying to prevent any possible confusion or objection), or they might have websites that undersell their services (because they’re afraid of being “too much”).

Avoidant folks might have websites that are really vague about what they actually do (because being specific feels vulnerable), or they might not have clear calls to action (because asking for something feels too needy).

And anxious-avoidant folks might have websites that send mixed messages – wanting to attract clients but also keeping them at arm’s length.

The beautiful thing is that when you start to understand your attachment patterns, you can create a website that reflects your more secure self rather than your insecure fears. A website that clearly communicates your value, attracts the right people, and makes it easy for them to work with you.

That’s the kind of strategic web design that actually supports your business goals instead of sabotaging them.

Your Attachment Style Isn’t Your Destiny

I want to end with this because I think it’s so important: your attachment style is information, NOT identity.

It’s helpful information that can explain some of your patterns and give you a roadmap for growth, but it’s not a life sentence. You’re not doomed to forever undercharge because you’re anxiously attached, or forever struggle with marketing because you’re avoidant.

You’re a human being with incredible capacity for growth and change. These patterns served you at some point – they helped you survive or cope with difficult situations. But if they’re not serving you anymore, you can change them.

It takes time, patience, and usually some support, but it’s absolutely possible. I’m living proof of that, and so are countless other business owners who’ve done this work.

Ready to Build a Business from Your Secure Self?

If this post has resonated with you and you’re starting to see how your attachment patterns might be influencing your business decisions, I want you to know: you’re already on the right path just by becoming aware of this stuff.

Awareness is always the first step, and it’s actually the hardest one. Once you can see these patterns, you can start to change them.

And if you’re ready to create a website that reflects your more secure, confident self – one that clearly communicates your value, attracts the right clients, and supports your sustainable business goals – I’d love to help you make that happen.

Because here’s what I believe: your website should reflect the business owner you’re becoming, not just the business owner you are right now. It should support your growth toward greater security and confidence, not reinforce old patterns that no longer serve you.

If you’re ready to create a website that supports your journey toward greater security and success, click the button below to talk about how we can make that happen!

Remember: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and you’re definitely not stuck with these patterns forever. You have everything you need to create the secure, sustainable business you’ve been dreaming of – and it starts with understanding and healing the patterns that have been quietly running the show.

You’ve got this.